Moms who let their kids. . .

. . .watch CN and Nick will appreciate this one:

I’ve allowed my kids to enjoy spending their credits on Fruit by the Foot treats on the way to and from school. Here was this morning’s conversation:

Hamhock: “I replace your cough by Fruit by the Foot.”
Superboy: *coughs* “So you did.”
Hamhock & Superboy: *laughing*

HAR!

This morning as we approached the Kindergarten playground I hear lots of squealing. Apparently, it is ‘boys act like monsters while chasing the girls around the playground’ day. Human nature is so fun to watch in action. The boys have these silly smiles and goofy tongue-protruding faces, while the girls are running from them with their little-girl-high-pitched-screams and huge smiling faces.

I’m just so happy that Hamhock joins right on in.

I don’t know why. . .

. . . but today was the first day that Hamhock went to school just fine without his strawberry Fruit by the Foot reward (ok, fine. . . call it a bribe, whatever. . .).  Two darn stores didn’t have the strawberry flavor, and so I bought the combo flavors, but he does not like them.  He smells them and says “yuk!”  I smelled them, too, and I get it.  The strawberry *does* smell better.

So he simply played with the yucky berry tie-dye all the way to school and was very silly about it, but didn’t fight me or tell me any reasons why he just shouldn’t go to school today.  We were even running late b/c of strep-frickin-throat for my 4th time in 5 years, and Superboy was up all night with a fever and asthma, and I was rushing to get him to the pediatrician after the Kindy drop-off.

Upon my return for pick-up, Hamhock runs straight to me and gives me a big hug and a smile.  So cute!  Then. . .

1. On the way home, I ask him:  “What fun things did you do at school?”  He has, every day until today, ignored the question.  Today he totally expressed something about looking around the school for a special place and was obviously very excited.  !!!!  I learned later from Mrs. Larson’s weekly newsletter that they have written a letter to the Moon, and are waiting and searching special places in the school to discover a response back (patterned after a book they read).
2. Then while he was coloring after his snack, he started telling me all about his old preschool teacher Mrs. Riley visiting the class, but more importantly that she brought “Mrs. Larson’s daughter Lora!  Mrs. Larson has a daughter named Lora!” Lora is actually in Superboy’s preschool class with Mrs. Riley this year.
3. Finally, when Fooboy was asking Hamhock how school was on the phone, he answers:  “School was great!  It was fun!”

He was then a very pleasant, happy little boy all day.  He hasn’t broken one rule today and hasn’t taken one time-out.  (Until literally 30 minutes ago when bedtime started).  We went out searching for bugs in the rain and got 2 potato bugs, 1 weird ant-fly thing, a daddy long legs (minus one leg, sorry, spider), and a grasshopper!!!!!  The grasshopper was trying to hide behind our new sunflowers and kept moving 180 degrees behind the stalk, each time I would reach around.  But I got him, minus one leg, too.  Not sure if that happened already or in the capturing.  Sorry, grasshopper.

We also had our first speech therapy last Thursday with Helen at the Scottish Rite Learning Center (Freemasons in Salt Lake City offering children free speech therapy with a grant from Shriner’s Hospital  – go Masons!  Woot!)  It went great.  Helen has over 30 years experience, and a great, tough, kind of boisterous approach which just fed right into Hamhock’s personality.  The whole thing was a game and he loved it.  My favorite thing about the session was every time he would answer a question he would point at Helen and shout:  “In your face!” and then laugh hysterically.

HAR!!!!!

Helen said about 40% of the children she sees have speech delays due to autism spectrum disorders.  She gave me the best compliment by saying that whatever we’ve done has given him some incredible skills!  YEE-HAW!!!  She said she can see why our school district tested him as too high-functioning and they wouldn’t touch him without alot of pushing from me, but she definitely had some areas that we can work on to help him improve in processing delays (took about 5 seconds to remember the word yellow, for example) and a string of adjectives (couldn’t point to the right cat:  “point to the little, black kitten in the corner of the box.”)

And, did I mention it’s free!?!?!

Now, if I can only get rid of the pain in my swollen throat gland. . .I must have a virus cold on top of the strep. . .ugh.  Hopefully Superboy will sleep through most of the night tonight. . .

Well, I’m beat.

Whew.

First week of school under our belts, and I’m purely exhausted.  Getting Hamhock anywhere ON TIME is a challenge.  Doing it 5 days in a row is going to be exhausting.

And, I suspect it is for him, too.  Everything he does requires a lot more energy, focus and determination for him to get through.

I’ve been praising him every day for following Mrs. Larson’s rules, and telling him he’s earning extra credits (following our Nurtured Heart Approach by earning credits for following the rules).  We cashed in all his credits earned on Friday for a new video game.  I love seeing that flicker of excitement in his eyes, when I tell him that we need to count his credits because I think we’re getting close to enough to be able to purchase a toy/game.

I suspect we’re going to be buying lots of rewards to get us through each year. . .!

Kindergarten!

So. . . yesterday was the first day of Kindergarten.

It went OK.  Hamhock was a little apprehensive, didn’t say much one way or the other on the way to school, and as soon as he saw his buddy Wes he started to look like he was excited.  It was a little chaotic with all the anxious parents helping their kids in the classroom, and he started crying at one point b/c he wanted to sit next to his buddy.  Wes is a super sweet kid, and he came over and patted Hamhock on the back and sat down next to him.  All was good, and I left.

When I came to pick him up, Hamhock even flashed me a quick smile, and when Foo called to see how it went he said:  “It was good!”

Today was a different story, though. . .

As soon as we got in the car, Hamhock CRIED THE ENTIRE 15 MINUTE DRIVE!  Ugh.

Here are all the reasons he said in between tears why he shouldn’t have to go to school:

1. “It takes too much time!”
2. “It makes my nose bleed.”
3. “I’ll be too hot.”  (I answered that he should have worn shorts & a short-sleeved shirt.  He responded that even with shorts, it makes him too hot.)
4. “I don’t like Mrs. Larson.”
5. “She looks different.”  (She has been wearing contacts instead of the glasses she wore when he first met her).
6. “It makes my tummy brain hurt.” (?)
7. “I don’t like it.”  And, my favorite:
8. “It hurts my feelings.” (!?!?!)

Finally when we got there he saw his other buddy Korbin and they immediately started playing on the slide and having fun.  He was grumpy when I picked him up, though.  And, I still have the anxiety tension headache that started yesterday morning.

I have a feeling I’m going to be needing alot of ibuprofen to get me through each school day for the next 9 months. . .

Ready for first day of Kindergarten!

Feeling less apprehensive with his buddy.

Mom? What?!?!

Here’s Superboy lately:

Sb:  “Mom?”

Me:  “What?”

Sb:  (4-year old babbling)

Sb:  “Mom?”

Me:  “I’m right here.”

Sb:  (More 4-year old babbling)

Sb:  “Mom?”

Me:  (Waiting for his commentary)

Sb:  “MOM?!?!?!”

Me:  (Sigh).  “I’m right here, I can hear you.”

Sb:  (More 4-year old babbling)

Why does it get annoying?  It’s normal, healthy and appropriate speech-related development for a kid.  Yet it grates on my nerves.

And yet, I would literally give my eye-teeth if Hamhock would annoy me.  Just.  Like.  That.

So I know. . .

. . .I live in one of the most non-diverse homogenous states in the nation.

All the kids in the neighborhood are white.  All the kids in his preschool were white.  All the kids at church are white.  Hamhock has no black friends.  None.  (Sorry Roxanne, we’re trying).

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I know once he’s a teenager he’s going to want and need to relate to other black kids.  Enter:  Genesis.  It’s an LDS ward for all African-American members and friends to attend!  We’ve been to two firesides and one Primary activity so far, and I’m sold.  They meet in a chapel in Fort Union, which is literally in our stomping grounds – probably a 5 minute drive from our home!  Like I said:  SOLD.

It’s hard for me to know that Hamhock is thinking about anything deeper than Spongebob and buying treats with his credits earned.  So. . . I hold onto anything I can get that comes from his cute little mouth.

We were driving to Discovery Gateway one day when Superboy was talking about Fisher-Price Little People.  Hamhock pipes up and asks:  “Is Michael’s face just like me?”  (Yes, it is!  And it’s just as beautiful, too.).

And then when we went to the Primary activity at the Gateway fountain, Hamhock said:  “Mom, how many Hamhock’s are there in the world?”  (Alot!  Isn’t that cool?!)

It’s also really cute whenever he sees a brown baby when we’re out and about at the swimming pool, or shopping, and he’ll say:  “Mom!  That baby looks like me when I was a baby!”  (I know!  You were the cutest little baby ever.)

Little golden nuggets into Hamhock’s thoughts.

Not to beat a dead horse. . .

. . . but I just have to emote. . .

Evidently there is some buzz about Oprah Winfrey plugging her bio-identical hormone therapy after menopause (June issues of Reader’s Digest & Newsweek).

On both accounts there were parallels drawn to Jenny McCarthy and  The Great Vaccine Debate.  The argument is that celebrity status can (and I believe certainly does) mislead the mainstream public into making choices vis-a-vis celebrity opinion, rather than sound medical advice.

Fine.  I don’t dispute that fact.  But I take issue when articles/writers don’t even get the facts straight.  Arrrggghhh!  Writing misleading articles certainly does as much damage to the mainstream public as blindly following our devotion and fascination to celebrities.

I don’t think writer Anne Underwood from the June Issue of Reader’s Digest has actually read Jenny McCarthy’s books or searched her Generation Rescue website, because Jenny McCarthy does NOT blame vaccines for causing her son’s autism.    She blames a variety of causes:  genetics, environmental toxins, and our nutrient-deficient food supply to name a few.  These, in addition to the overloaded vaccine schedule (too many too soon), which contain toxins like formaldehyde and aluminum, are all the things she believes contributed to her son’s autism.

I am tired of the “counter-argument” that since Thimerosal was removed from most vaccines in 2001, then the rates of autism should have declined.  First of all, it wasn’t removed from the flu vaccine (which is currently marketed heavily to pregnant women and children).  Second of all, Thimerosal is only a small part of the problem -  aluminum and formaldehyde are still used as preservatives.   The problem is that too many toxins/chemicals in our childhood vaccines are given too soon, and that, in combination with all of the other factors that Jenny experienced, contribute to the unprecedented exponential growth of Autism Spectrum Disorders, among other childhood epidemics.

Until an absolute cause of autism has been proven, I don’t think it’s fair to rule out the potential causes, especially when there is so much evidence from parents and doctors, who are affected in their daily lives by autism.

Instead of subtlety blaming celebrities like Jenny McCarthy for causing a recurrence of measles (the CDC reported 131 US cases from Jan – July 2008), put your energy into pushing for more research into discovering why THOUSANDS of children each year are being diagnosed with autism.   As an exercise in comparison, ask yourself:  How many children do I know who have had or currently have measles? Now, ask yourself:  How many children do I know who have Asperger’s, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD, other developmental delays, asthma and serious allergies (like peanut).  All of these childhood epidemics have been on the rise since the early 90’s, when the vaccine schedule was more than doubled for children under the age of 2.

Thankfully, all of those 131 children recovered from their outbreak of measles (with no indication that there were further complications like brain damage or hearing loss), and not one death was reported.  Now, this report did not address any outbreaks in babies less than one year old, who are too young to receive the MMR vaccination.  I think in order to protect these babies from measles (who rely on herd immunity until they are eligible for the vaccine), against a backlash of parents worried about increasing diagnoses of autism and other current childhood epidemics, it is imperative that the CDC and AAP start a new, safer vaccine schedule: one which separates the vaccine into 3 separate doses: the M, M, and R, and gives them in a healthier, less toxic manner to babies’ underdeveloped immune systems.

Isn’t it possible to protect our babies from measles AND autism?

It just makes me so frustrated that articles are still being written and this is still being debated as an extreme all-or nothing thing.  As far as I understand her position, Jenny McCarthy is also suggesting to the CDC, AAP, and parents, a very moderate solution:  let’s Green Our Vaccines – make them less toxic and with a more healthy administration schedule for our babies.  That means, spread them out more, or tailor them more to each individual child rather than have doctors push a “one-size fits all” for everyone.  We all want the same thing – to keep our kids safe, happy and healthy and give them the best possible opportunity for successful lives, without complications from terrible childhood diseases, epidemics or vaccine injury.

So please stop all the fighting, misquoting, misleading information and let’s try to compromise – let’s unite together and work towards maintaining our herd immunity AND lower the rising epidemic of autism, ADHD, asthma, and allergies.

Huh?

I’ve been so excited by the better behavior and no fighting or hitting since we started the Nurtured Heart Approach to discipline, that I’ve let some of Hamhock’s dietary resctrictions slide.  Both boys have been so excited to “spend” their credits on treats (and eventually working up to earning a toy) that we’ve gotten in the habit of getting some sort of treat every day.  That means, we’re at the local Chevron once a day – getting anything from Bubblicious cotton-candy flavored gum to a bottle of Sprite, or getting cotton-candy at the zoo, and we’ve even gotten a a doughnut at Banbury Cross.

I keep watching him to see how all that horrible high-fructose corn syrup, chemicals, preservatives, and red dye #40 are affecting him.  So far it seems not so much, and his behavior has continued to be balanced by the Nurtured Heart Approach.

Until now.

Saturday night he started stimming out of his brain.  Not alot, only maybe 30 seconds or so at a time. But it freaks me out.

He hums this cute little monotone song, shakes his head back and forth, kind of rocks his body and his eyes look up back and forth, like he’s staring at some awesome Pink Floyd laser light show.  When I ask him what he’s looking at, he’ll smile sheepishly and then just act normal.

He did it today in our church pew, and then again during Primary closing exercises.  Again, only for about 30 seconds, and he comes right out of it when I engage him.  But it just looks so “autistic” that it freaks me out (sorry if that offends anyone).

I just want my kid to look, act, seem, and be normal – you know?

But then, – and here’s the “Huh?” part – he says the most sensitive, emotionally connected thing I think I’ve ever heard him say:

Tonight at dinner Foo was reading the paper.  He saw the obituary of someone he knows, and exclaimed in shock:  “Oh my gosh, this man is dead!”  Hamhock turns to him, pats him on the back and says:  “I’m sorry Dad.  But don’t worry, everyone will come back to life someday.”

Can you believe it?  That shows such emotional connectedness (to pat Foo on the back, immediately after Foo’s exclamation), and then to say something that will help, and that he’s actually been listening in church (yay!).

Wow.

The other day I tried to tell him how we couldn’t just go over to play at a neighbor boy’s house because his grandmother is very private and kind of chewed me out one day while my boys and her son were playing in their backyard and I was hanging out back there supervising.  I tried to tell him in simple terms by saying that his grandmother is a mean lady and doesn’t want us to play in their yard.

Hamhock responded:  “Well, maybe we can make her feel happy or something?”

So so very sweet, and again shows emotional connectedness and understanding.  So maybe the once-a-day treats aren’t so bad?  Either which way, we’re cutting them out and I’m going to go back to being a stricter mom.  Only healthy treats from here on out.

Here’s hoping I can stick to it when those big baby browns plead their case. . .

Toys R Us

For the first time the other day, we went to Toys R Us and we didn’t have a huge meltdown or tantrum to buy a toy (I usually avoid this store).

But I kept reminding Hamhock and Superboy that when they earn enough credits they’ll be able to buy a toy.  I can’t believe how much fun we had looking at all the toys and talking about all the ones they wanted to save up for.

It was a far cry from the days of begging, tantrums, and finally me buying a toy out of sheer exasperation, after being hounded and hounded to go to the darn store in the first place!

Time for a Time-Out

Yesterday we went to the zoo with Hamhock’s friend from preschool.

I recently found a discipline approach that works for us:  The Nurtured Heart Approach to Transforming the Difficult Child, and it has kept me in awe when it works everyday.

Hamhock pushed his friend while they were climbing the rocks by the giraffe cage, and I immediately ran over.  Before I could whisper in his ear, he said:  “I know!”  I whispered anyway, “That’s a time-out.  No pushing.”  He came right with me to a quieter rock and sat down for a few seconds for his time-out.

Afterwards I said:  “Next time, you can say:  ‘Can you move please?’”

Later on, as we were walking to the playground, past the elephants and monkeys, all 3 boys were climbing on a the rock wall.  I completely caught Hamhock saying to his friend who was in his way:  “Can you move please?’!  I couldn’t believe it!

I gave him lots of positive recognition right then and again when I gave him his credits before bedtime.

He was fixated on whining about getting an ice cream all day, though.